I carry around a lot of "stuff" -- long-term burdens that I can't resolve because they're way too big. So, this past several months, when load after load kept getting added to the mix, I began to wonder what was going on. I worked through the background problems with the Lord. Things appeared to be clean and clear between us. I surrendered as never before to His perfect will, and asked Him to give me Jesus' own approach to trust.
Suddenly the "stuff" began to go crazy. No money (well, $14), computer problems that were made worse by the first person I took the computer to for repair... this on top of the pile of unresolved "stuff" I already had.
I faced all these things pretty calmly. I realized this meant I was beginning to experience Jesus' own approach to trust. (Thank You, Father.) But a couple of nights ago, the stress took hold of my body. I tried to pray, but something felt actually physically stuck. Too many things at once.
Yesterday I got up and prepared to have my usual time with the Lord. Surely now He would help me lay these things at His feet. Nothing. In fact, it went sort of the opposite way. I gave up after about ten minutes, very discouraged.
I had a lot of marking waiting for me, so I just got busy. In the middle of the afternoon I received an e-mail giving me my teaching assignment for winter. Ack!! Commuting twice a week, either in a car that still needs an important repair, or by train at $45-50 a pop. I'm hoping the schedule can be changed to either one very long day or two days back-to-back, but there's nothing that can be done at the moment, over the long weekend. I gave the schedule (and the car) to the Lord and got back to marking.
As I was making dinner, it started to hit me. The number of crazy things suddenly being thrown at me couldn't just be random. Some people would say, "The enemy is attacking me." Well, whatever. He does that, sure. He ups the ante a lot when we surrender "agendalessly" to Jesus. But what's thrown at us is not random. If we are fully God's, the things He allows in our lives are designed to serve His purposes meticulously. Some of these things hurt like Hades. Some of them go on for decades and get way worse before they get better.
Nope, this latest curve ball was not random. One could almost say it had God's signature on it. Hmm...
A picture suddenly flashed through my mind as I stood there at the stove. Jesus and me, playing catch.
Whoa!! Jesus and me, playing catch. I got it. All at once, I got it.
I tossed the ball to Him. "Over to You! Thanks!!" What a fabulous picture this is. It's taken me over four decades as His teammate to finally grasp how this "game" works. (Did I not say I was bad at sports?)
Virtually none of my "stuff" is resolved yet. (Catch!) I have no idea yet what I'm supposed to do about most of it. (Catch!)
But ah... what a great day for baseball. Every day. What a great day for baseball.
I adore You. Catch!