You and I have had some rough moments this past year, Oswald brother. A few times, Lord forgive me, I honestly wanted to club you over the head. Which really seems fair in a way, because the Lord has been using you to club me over the head for a number of months.
Here, in chronological clubbing order, are some of the quotations He used:
- "Drudgery is the touchstone of character."
- "God will not make me think like Jesus, I have to do it myself; I have to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."
- "Have you ever heard the Master say a hard word? If you have not, I question whether you have heard Him say anything. "
- "Is the Son of God living in His Father’s house in me? ...Let Him have His way, keep in perfect union with Him. The vicarious life of your Lord is to become your vital simple life; the way He worked and lived among men must be the way He lives in you."
- "God is not working towards a particular finish; His end is the process – that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea." (My Aug. 2 blog response: “...How do I get there? How do I get to where I'm certain that all is right simply because I know He is God?”)
- "You cannot think a spiritual muddle clear, you have to obey it clear."
- (Oh, this was a good one. The walls of my house have only recently stopped reverberating:) "The first habit to develop is the habit of recognizing God’s provision for us. We say, however, 'Oh, I can’t afford it.' One of the worst lies is wrapped up in that statement. We talk as if our heavenly Father has cut us off without a penny!"
- "Before God becomes satisfied with us, He will take everything of our so-called wealth, until we learn that He is our Source; as the psalmist said, 'All my springs are in You' (Psalm 87:7). If the majesty, grace, and power of God are not being exhibited in us, God holds us responsible. 'God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you ... may have an abundance ...' (2 Corinthians 9:8) — then learn to lavish the grace of God on others, generously giving of yourself. Be marked and identified with God’s nature, and His blessing will flow through you all the time."
- "In learning to walk with God there is always the difficulty of getting into His stride; but when we have got into it, the only characteristic that manifests itself is the life of God. ...Spiritual truth is learned by atmosphere, not by intellectual reasoning. God’s Spirit alters the atmosphere of our way of looking at things, and things begin to be possible which never were possible before. Getting into the stride of God means nothing less than union with Himself."
- "Our attitude must be one of complete reliance on God. Once we get to that point, there is nothing easier than living the life of a saint. We encounter difficulties when we try to usurp the authority of the Holy Spirit for our own purposes. God’s mark of approval, whenever you obey Him, is peace. He sends an immeasurable, deep peace; not a natural peace, 'as the world gives,' but the peace of Jesus."
There's a progression here, Oswald. It started with, "Will you obey Me? Will you willfully subject yourself to learning a new way of being?" Next, "Only one of us can be allowed to live this life you've surrendered to Me, and it's not you." And then, "Stop trying to figure this out. Your intellect can't help you here. Your emotions will only deceive you."
At this point, things took a turn, Oswald, because the Lord used you to show me that I had been struggling to work out what He wanted, when instead (lightbulb moment), He wanted me to surrender myself to Him in intercessory prayer and in letting Him have access to others through my life. "Driving backwards," I call it. "Cease striving and know that I am God," He calls it.
One evening a couple of weeks ago, brother, I took a very, very long walk in the snow. No Trudeau analogy (not that you would understand that analogy anyway), and not because I wanted to walk that far, but because my aging kitty cat needed a refill of the medication that's keeping her alive, and it was too slushy to drive without snow tires. I had the vet count out just enough pills to get me into early-mid January, to keep the cost under $30, which was still way too much. I had a very rough autumn.
On this snowy, holy walk, the Lord finally took me to that place you yourself so often spoke about. I began to see that -- when we are deeply and intimately bound to Him -- there is even in His emptiest "nothing" a full and very abundant "something." God's silences are never, never the absence of a response. His deep peace can only find us when we see these things.
Merry Christmas, Oswald -- dear, uncompromising brother. And thanks for the smile that night on my walk. I'm proud to have begun to know you.