Well, I think I now have an answer for her. It came to me earlier today in my time with the Lord, and some of it rather surprised me.
Following are some reflections on my own definition of soulmates, as my friend requested:
- Soulmates often communicate without words. A subtle glance may indicate, "I'm getting annoyed with what you're saying," and the other may respond with a subtle glance that says, "I know -- sorry, I'll tone it down." If only one of the people normally ever sends or picks up on these signals, there's a good chance the relationship is not at soulmate stage.
- Soulmates may not always be on the exact same wavelength, but they can reasonably easily tune in to the other's wavelength, or are at least quite sensitive to changes in the other person's demeanor. This doesn't always mean they know how to respond, but they tend to read the other person more accurately than others might.
- Soulmates are not constantly having to explain themselves ("Why do you think that/do that/like that?"). In some situations explaining does become necessary, but it isn't an overriding theme of the relationship.
- Soulmates are often fairly intuitive about one another's tastes, whether or not they themselves have identical tastes.
- Soulmates can sit together in silence and not feel uncomfortable.
This morning I realized that these things don't necessarily have to come naturally. It certainly helps when we instinctively "get" one other, but it's not an absolute requirement. In other words, I'm beginning to believe it's possible to become soulmates, at least to a certain degree. But there are several things we must do if we want to become intimately in sync with another person:
- Respect the person. Get to know how this person is different from you, so that you can learn to empathize with one another -- not so that you can try to "fix" one another.
- Listen to the person. Don't half-listen, thinking about what you want to say if and when they ever finish. Switch off "you" and really listen.
- Spend quality time with the person. Not just time spent staring at the television together. Time talking, walking, singing, laughing, crying, telling stories, reading to one another, discovering things together. And OK, maybe sometimes watching TV together, but something you both like and that's worth talking about together afterwards.
Why am I mentioning this here? No, I'm not trying to be Dear Abby. These thoughts came out of reflections about my evolving relationship with the Lord. He is so far above me, I'm not suggesting He and I are soulmates. But as I spend time with Him every day, surrendering my will to Him, reading His word and asking Him to reveal Himself to me, I notice our communication growing gradually more intuitive.
Admittedly very odd example:
This morning I woke up very early and felt achy and ill, so I tried to ease into the day by watching what sounded like it would be a spiritual program on television. I have no idea if there ever was a spiritual element to it, because I turned it off. A woman was sitting with a large Bible on her lap, but the first thing the hosts began talking about was a wonder drug -- which they were selling (sign up for monthly shipments, special offer, etc.). I stared at this for a few minutes out of curiosity, much the same way people can't take their eyes off a train wreck. All of a sudden my heart began to pound hard. I'm convinced it was the Lord, becoming angry -- mostly angry with the program, for obvious reasons, but also a bit angry with me, for my delay in turning it off.
There are other (much less odd) examples I could cite, but the point is this:
Our bond of friendship and communication with God grows only as we revere and respect Him, listen to Him, and spend quality time with Him. Five or ten minutes of "Dear Lord, please bless my day," etc., will not make Him want to reveal His heart to me. On the other hand, five or ten minutes of "Dear Lord, I want to know You better -- please show me how" will thrill His heart, and He will come back to meet me every day to make me hungrier and hungrier for more.
One last thought: Two people can, I think, become soulmates by truly investing in the relationship -- but by the same token, two people who are natural soulmates can eventually become detached, simply by taking one another for granted. No relationship can be taken for granted, even if one of the parties offers eternal "no matter what" love to the other. The giver's love may not die as a result of neglect, but the relationship will wither and cease to be a thing of joy.
So it is with our relationship with God. He offers His eternal love to us, but He won't force us to get to know Him. If all we have is an "I've been saved for eternity" relationship with God, we're missing out on life itself, because He Himself is life.