Nevertheless, this transition is painful. I've been getting daily insight into how much I fail to live up to my own standards, let alone God's standards. It's also painful because the approach He's used for the past year or two to lead me into His word is not always working anymore. (He's like that -- always the same, but never static.) So now, many mornings, instead of falling into His arms and being led somewhere sweet, I bash my head against my Bible and say, "What is it You want me to look at? I can't find it." Sometimes I keep looking. Sometimes I give up in tears. Sometimes I shrug and say, "Oh well. You know I still love You. Let's just get on with the day."
I'm actually honored by this change. If He let me stay in the same place indefinitely, even a sweet place, it would surely mean He had left me there on my own, because He Himself is always on the move.
I remember as a child, watching boats pass through the locks on the Trent-Severn waterway. It took some time for the water levels on the two sides of the lock to meet, but watching this process was a lot of fun. There's no hurrying the water, and there's no hurrying the Lord. Seeking Him is an ongoing process. Things will eventually find their new level in my spiritual life -- as long as I don't give up during the wait. When I've arrived at this new level, I of course won't have "arrived" anywhere. I'll just be at the next stop on the journey. He's the destination. He's also the journey. Which means the waiting, and the bashing of my head against my Bible some days, are simply part of the process of being made into His sweet image.