In response He made my heart lighter; I noticed a steadiness and realized that over the past while He has gradually begun to take His rightful place in me as Lord, which must mean that I've been getting out of His way more and wasn't even aware of it.
As mad as this next part of the story might sound to some, within the next two days I was rocked by not one but two revelations that the enemy has been harming my loved ones. I have almost never seen his wrath expressed so pointedly or so personally.
These things are too big for me; and yet in allowing me to see them, the Lord has given me a two-fold gift: He has shown me that I will now be required by love to live out the rest of my life in prayer; what a direct answer to my request to walk more deeply with Him and depend on Him as my source of hope and life. Part two of the gift is that I am now more aware of how to pray for my little world, and how to ask others to pray.
The past few days have included moments of deep grief and fear. These will not just evaporate, nor should they. They are a message: "Give this to your Father." Only God has the knowledge and might to deal with such things.
"I will give it to my Dad," I said, and will keep saying this whenever I am tempted to let things overwhelm me. Perhaps this little story I read a month or two ago helped me find the words.
"A dear little friend of mine, not four years old, facing one day some big difficulty to her little heart, with a very wise shake of her head, said, 'I'll go and tell my papa.' Presently she came back, this time with every fibre of her little body strutting with the pride that shone in her eye, 'Now, my papa's coming!' Presently her papa came, she clasped her little hands and screamed with delight, and danced round him, unspeakably confident in her papa. Child of God, does something face you that terrifies your heart? Say, 'I'll tell my Father.' Then come back 'boasting' in the Lord, 'Now my Father's coming.' And when He comes, you too will clap your hands in rapture, your mouth will be filled with laughter, and you will be like one that dreams, when your Father comes." Oswald Chambers, Christian Disciplines, Volume I, ch. 1, "The Discipline of Divine Guidance" |