..."Ouch," as it says in the post. But a good kind of "ouch," because it comes from the heart of the One who is committed to binding up every one of my wounds. And yours.
I hope this meets someone somewhere. I offer it to His glory.
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When my mother was a teenager, she had a bad accident while trying to learn to drive. This so spooked her, she forever abandoned the thought of driving. Her nervousness about cars never left. Not knowing how to operate a vehicle did not -- and I say this with great affection -- stop her from giving driving advice. On a few occasions, her abrupt warnings to my father about upcoming stop signs or red lights could easily have caused an accident rather than preventing one. Passengers who don't drive tend to have no idea how much a driver is taking in subliminally. From time to time, "Watch out, there's a..." turns out to be very helpful. But more often, the driver has already taken note of the "...," and the "watch out" distracts the driver and accomplishes the opposite of what was intended. Recently [Oct. 3, 2014] on the "Praise reflections" page, I posted excerpts from an Oswald Chambers' devotional on abandonment to God. This devotional stopped me in my tracks. I read it aloud two or three times, tracing my finger over statements I knew were for me, including
There is a section of the devotional that I didn't include in the excerpt, probably in part because it hit too close to home:
Not literally not given them anything, but He has not given them "their life for a prey" (prize, reward, booty). In other words, they are always bashing their heads against a spiritual wall, wondering how to unlock the fullness of God's peace, power, and joy. They begin tiring of life, because they feel the abundant life Jesus spoke of is not available to them. This comes, says Oswald, from not having truly abandoned our lives to God. Then he provides a helpful litmus test: evidence of not having truly abandoned our lives to God is that we are still asking Him, "Well, what about this?" Ouch. Do you see yourself in this? I see myself in it almost as though Oswald had written my name in this incredible diagnosis. "What about this?" was one of the main ingredients fed to me in my pablum. I am very inquisitive in the healthy sense -- but also very much in the "not resting" sense. To date, I have been a frequent back-seat driver in my walk with the Lord. Just as anxious driving commentary is virtually always counterproductive, my "What about this-es" to God are counterproductive. Always. They are keeping me from full abandon to Him, and from true rest in Him. However much I may believe I am fully abandoned to Jesus, my worry tells Him that I am not. He made us, and He knows us. He isn't judging our "What about this?" history. He's simply saying, "I have a much better way." There is no human way to learn to abandon fully to God. But if we are willing, He will teach us. I notice, though, that Oswald's prescription uses the word "refuse" not once but twice. Refusing to do something is an active process. God will not make us stop being spiritual back-seat drivers. We must begin by catching ourselves mid-fret, remembering that how [whatever] gets sorted out is an executive decision being handled by the Trinity. It's not ours anymore. |