Last week I was offered a summer project by someone I like and very much respect, but when I learned what it would entail, I began to question whether I could accept it. My first thought was a ridiculous, worldly "Maybe if my name just didn't show up in the credits..." The full significance sank in further over the day, and by the next morning the Lord had warned me that I could under no circumstances accept this task. I can't explain the details publicly, but the spiritual implications are dire. The person who asked me to do this task has no idea there are even such things as spiritual implications, so he will likely be baffled by my decision. I am potentially walking away from what to me is a significant and very much needed amount of money, and may also be risking this very positive relationship, as well as other relationships.
I used the word "potentially" above because there is the slim possibility that this person might be willing to find a different task for me. But I don't know that yet; it may not happen that way. All I know is that I have been given an enormous honor in being given the chance to defend my beloved Lord's name and honor and to serve His purposes.
There's been a delay in meeting with this person, and the wait is feeling very long. I just want this resolved, one way or the other -- either with a "Sorry you can't accept this -- bye, have a nice summer" or with another project I can do instead.
Let me put this in perspective. Not that this is in any way comparable, but for three decades, our Lord knew the stand He was going to eventually take publicly and what it was going to cost Him. There was no possibility of "another project He could do instead." He was on a path that led straight to the cross, no detours. Every day of His life, the awareness of this surely became more intense. The wait must have eaten away at Him some days. You can almost hear it in some of the things He said to His disciples. "Get behind me, Satan!" He said to Peter, when Peter said that He should not have to die. This wasn't just a rebuke. I think it was also a way of stating out loud to Himself (and to the Father), "Of course I know the importance of this task, and I am not backing down." Not that He would have backed down, but making this declaration may have helped make the wait slightly more tolerable. A tiny bit the same way writing this blog post is helping me put up with the delay in finally being able to do what I have to do and letting the chips fall where the Lord wants them to fall.
So, if you like, pray for me. This is hard. Wonderful but hard. I love the Lord so much, He's worth any sacrifice. And compared to what some have laid on the altar, this sacrifice is miniscule. If it's possible to come away from this with an alternate paid task and the relationship with my colleague/friend still healthy, so be it -- I'll be delighted. If not, as long as it's to the Lord's glory, I'll still be thrilled. It will hurt. Yet He will take care of me.
I'll let you know what happens. But let the praises begin now! I am His, and have been given the chance to step out in obedience and be counted as His. I am blessed beyond all imagining.