And brings the deep darkness into light."
Job 12:22
I've been relatively silent on here for the past several months or so. It's hard to talk about what the Lord is doing when I really don't understand what He is doing. (Not that that really ever stopped me before.)
Whatever it is that He's doing, it hurts. I've never been so perplexed about the direction He intends me to take. I think this is because He wants me to empty all the vaults so that I see my utter, unequivocal need for Him. It's dark here in these empty vaults, though. Humanly speaking, I am completely spent.
...But God.
Not once but twice this past week, God used a servant of His to speak these words over me. It was a different servant each time, but twice in the same week. The second time, in fact, I was slightly disoriented, thinking the "but God" was a reference back to something this speaker had said earlier. Then I remembered it had been another speaker who'd said it, in the context of not being ashamed to admit where we are at the moment -- we may even be a real mess right now, but that's OK. There will be more to the story, because God is writing it.
...But God.
"But God" or "yet God" in scripture frequently flags a shift in perpective or direction. David used it fairly often, since he was a man of deep introspection but also of deep faith. He would look intently into the darkness, then would suddenly remind himself that his God was by His very nature Light and would always be victorious.
I am at the cusp of a "but God." I am certain of this. And in this place of what is darkness, humanly speaking, I have been witnessing a phenomenal outpouring of spiritual light. I will I'm sure one day discover that from the darkness, and through the darkness, God has been working unimaginable acts of grace and healing. Disentangling me from chains, aligning my heart with His own, and bringing into the light things I had long ago buried but whose time has come to be touched by the redeeming hand of the Master.